Valentine Schmalentine
by Do Me Malfoy
Summary: Can secret valentines ruin everything?


**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own anything. I wish I did, but I don't!

**A/N:** This is a one-shot Valentine's Day fic! Enjoy. ;)

"Is this the one you'd like, young lad?" asked a rather plump witch. She was bedazzled with all sorts of jewelry, sparkling and shining around her neck, on her ears, around her fingers, and also her thick wrists. She blinked her wide, bespectacled eyes at Ron, who was beginning to get fidgety.

"Er, yes. I mean, I'll take it," he said. He looked around warily as if he didn't want to be spotted by anyone. He plunked four Galleons on the counter as the witch took the ring out from the viewing case that was full of all sorts of jewelry.

"Gift wrap? It's free," the witch said, giving Ron a wink.

"Um, yeah sure, but could you make it quick? I'm a bit late to a meeting with my mates," Ron said with a worried smile.

The welcome bell tinkled as someone came into the small shop. Ron quickly pulled on his hat and turned away from the door, pretending to be interested in a poster that read:

**VALENTINE'S DAY SPECIAL  
25 off all jewelry  
Comes with FREE gift wrap!  
Win your witch's heart with these fabulous new magical rings.**

A picture of a witch who looked strangely similar to Professor McGonagall was adorned with rings on all ten of her fingers; they were each a different color and were in the shape of a heart. They sparkled brilliantly as the witch showed them off.

"Ron, is that you mate?"

Ron already knew who it was. He took a deep breath and whirled around.

"Oh, Harry, hey! I didn't expect to see you in here," Ron said, his ears turning a shade of pink.

"Yeah, you too," Harry said, grinning back and forth at Ron and the poster of the witch and her rings. "Shopping for anyone special?"

"No!" Ron replied quickly. "Just...you know, a little something for Mum."

"Uh huh," Harry said, smirking and now eyeing the pink bag the witch handed Ron. It was emblazoned with _Madame Bijou & Co._ in gold with little red hearts dancing all over it.

"Have a great day, lad, and I hope everything goes well," said Madame Bijou giving Ron another wink. "Can I help you dear?" she said to Harry.

"Er, no I'm fine, thanks," Harry replied. He was slightly afraid of the shopkeeper who seemed a bit overwhelming due to the multitudinous amount of jewelry she was wearing. "Let's go Ron, everyone's waiting! I was checking all the shops I thought you would be in but...I guess I was wrong," Harry said, giving Ron a grin. The bell tinkled again as they walked out into the cold air, the newly fallen snow crunching beneath their shoes.

They trudging their way towards the Three Broomsticks where all of their friends were gathered. It was their usual hangout on Hogsmeade weekends.

"So," Harry began. "tell me who you _really_ got that gift for."

"I already told you, it's for my mum!" Ron said defensively, his ears still red. He stuffed the little pink bag into one of his pockets.

"C'mon, Ron. You always get your mum the same thing every year: those edible cotton candy roses from Honeyduke's."

"Well, this year it's different," Ron replied, opening the door to the Three Broomsticks.

Harry was right. Everyone _was_ waiting for him at the pub. Hermione was chatting with Parvati and Lavender, Ginny was giggling with Lavender about some new articles in _The Quibbler_, Fred and George were handing out their newest jokeshop invention (a "valentine" that sprayed stinksap at whoever opened it), along with many forth-, fifth-, sixth-, and other seventh-years all sharing the extra long table that was placed in the middle of the pub. All of them were chugging down their butterbeers, some asking for seconds.

Ron plopped down beside Hermione, who was seated comfortably at her Head Girl's chair, and Harry sat to the right of her in his Head Boy's chair.

"Where have you _been_?" Hermione asked frustratingly, looking Ron up and down.

"Er, just...getting some last-minute things," Ron sputtered hesitantly.

"Like what?" Hermione curiously asked.

"Like...things," said Ron quietly, beginning to fell uncomfortable.

"What's that in your pocket?"

"What's what?"

"_Ron_, I'm not stupid," Hermione said, peering at the pink bag that was stuffed in Ron's pocket. "And if I'm not mistaken, that's a _Madame Bijou & Co._ bag!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is! Let me see it!" Hermione said, grabbing for the bag as Ron tried to hold her off. "Who's it for?"

"It isn't for _anyone_, now get off!" Ron said shoving Hermione off with little effort. He usually was the winner at these shoving-disputes they always had.

"Well, you don't have to be so defensive about it," Hermione said, giving Ron a last half-hearted shove.

"Attention, everyone!" Harry yelled to the noisy crowd gathered at the elongated table. He stood up. "You are all here because you have shown an interest in being a part of the first ever Valentine's Day Dance Committee at Hogwarts. Please listen to everything carefully--yes, Malfoy?" Draco had shot his hand up in the air.

"Could we have little naked baby cupids prancing about singing songs of lurrve?" the Slytherin said with a smirk. He shifted his eyes towards Pansy who turned so red she looked as if she was about to burst. A couple of the Hufflepuff girls let out a dreamy sigh.

Harry looked genuinely annoyed as he rolled his eyes, "Please hold suggestions or snarky comments until _after_ the meeting. Now, where was I?"

"The committees, Harry," Hermione said also looking genuinely annoyed. She gave Draco a menacing look, but Draco didn't seem to notice.

"Er, right. The committees. We'll need someone to be in charge of the music for the dance. Dumbledore says the DJ we hired last month has unfortunately checked in to St. Mungo's due to an accident involving, um ... biting toilets." There was a ring of snickering and laughter coming from where the Slytherins were seated. Even Hermione and Ron couldn't seem to stifle their laughter.

Harry caught himself laughing also but quickly pounded on the table for order. "So, is anyone interested in being in charge of the music?"

"I'll do it," Neville said, waving his plump hand madly about in the air. There was butterbeer froth that made a moustache on his upper lip, causing more laughter. "What? What's so wrong about me being DJ, why is everyone laughing?"

"Neville is right, there is nothing wrong with him being DJ," said Hermione sympathetically, patting him on the hand. Groans sounded across the entire table. "I'm sure Neville's taste in music is just as 'hip' as any of yours, right Harry?"

"Um, yeah, sure," he said. Hermione jabbed him in the ribs and gave him a look. "I mean, of course, Neville! You'll be great."

He rubbed where Hermione had jabbed him. "Okay, have you got that bit down, Ginny? Neville is going to be the DJ."

"Got it," said Ginny who was now a prefect. She was assigned the task of writing everyone's jobs down on a pink piece of parchment.

"Next we need a decorations committee," Harry said looking at the assembled group. Eight or nine fourth- and fifth-years raised their hands. "Okay, brilliant."

"Last is the food committee," he said. Almost half of the people at the table raised their hands. "Great. Got everyone's names down, Ginny?"

"Got 'em," Ginny said, scribbling down the last few names.

"The last item is a special one that Hermione and I have thought up of ourselves and we hope you like it," Harry said a bit nervously. He looked at Hermione for some help.

Hermione nodded and got up from her seat to face everyone, "We're going to have secret valentines."

"Secret WHAT?" Draco's jaw dropped, and he suddenly took his feet off of the table. "Oh no. No, no, no, no, and NO."

"I think it's a lovely idea," Lavender said, smiling dreamily. "Very romantic; I can't wait!"

"Yes, let's do it!" Parvati squealed, looking up from her mirror.

"You remember the last time we had those secret Smanta or Santa or whatever-it-is things," Draco argued. "It was total chaos. The seventh years scared the first years by sending them the most horrific gifts...and someone sent me a Neverending Songbird that WOULDN'T SHUT UP. There is _no way_ in bloody hell am I going to put up with secret _valentines_."

Draco pulled off a persuasive pout that made Pansy and probably a couple of Hufflepuffs drool. Ron glanced at Harry who was about to burst with laughter, but was forced to hold it in.

"Okay, so secret valentines it is!" Hermione said with a smirk. "Accio basket!"

The pink basket that was set in the middle of the table floated down to Hermione's grasp.

"In this tiny basket are the names of all the students at Hogwarts. They are printed on cards that include the person's name, what house they're in, and what year they are," Hermione held up the little basket.

Everyone assumed she must have charmed it to hold hundreds, maybe thousands of name cards because there was no possible way they could all fit into the basket without the help of magic.

"The drawing will begin tomorrow and the basket will be located in the Main Hall in front of the painting with the sleeping dragon on it. All you have to do is accio a name card over, and that person will be your secret valentine," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"What if a guy gets another guy's name?" asked Dean Thomas, setting his butterbeer down on the table with a loud thunk.

"I've already set many charms on this basket. There is no way a guy will get another guy's name and there is no way a girl will get another girl's name. You can only accio a name card _once_. If you switch with anyone, the card will be incinerated immediately. Basically, if any of you try to get around this without playing by the rules, good luck because it's not going to happen!" Hermione said triumphantly. She looked over at a couple of Slytherins who were scoffing or rolling their eyes.

"Everyone must have a secret valentine by the end of tomorrow," Harry said. "And obviously, it's supposed to be a secret, so please keep all your mouths _closed_." He glanced at Lavender and Parvati for a fleeting second. "We will exchange our secret valentines at the start of the dance."

"Does anyone have any questions?" Hermione asked. Nobody raised their hand. "Okay then, you all are dismissed. If you have any questions though, be sure to ask either me or Harry."

Ron got up from his seat and helped Hermione with her things. "Hermione, I'm sorry for being so rude to you earlier. I hope you didn't take it personally."

Hermione smiled as she tucked a piece of spiraly hair behind her ear. "No, it's okay. I guess I was being a bit nosy...," she peered down at Ron's pocket where she could still see the pink bag. "But I _am_ curious as to what that is."

Ron blushed and quickly turned to Harry who had the basket in his hand and was putting on his coat. They began to chat happily about the new brooms at the store next door as Hermione sighed. _Boys,_ she thought. _They are _so_ clueless...but so cute._ She stared at Ron for a few moments, observing the freckles that lined his face, his ruffled fiery hair, and the way he always laughed really hard like he was truly having a good time. She smiled to herself and went out the door, following her two friends.

"Bloody _hell_!" Malfoy said aloud. He was gaping at the card he held in his hand. _There is no bloody way in bloody hell am I going to be the secret valentine of this...this..._Mudblood. He stared back at the pink basket that suddenly seemed so menacing and evil.

The hallway he was standing in was currently deserted, for it was late at night and almost everyone was asleep. Only the moon gave some sort of lighting for the hallway, glinting through the magnificent windows that lined it. He looked up at the gargantuan painting of the sleeping dragon. It took up a large amount of space; you had to look up or step back to see the entire painting properly. A gigantic dragon was fast asleep on an unknown landscape and whoever looked at the strange painting always got an eerie and almost frightening feeling about it. The dragon seemed lifeless and helpless; a giant monster of evil that was, at the moment, so vulnerable, so weak. The painting was the largest one in Hogwarts, and perhaps the most mysterious. Out of all the magical paintings that lined the hallways of the school, this one was the only one that did not move.

It may have been a trick of the moon's glimmering pale light or Draco's imagination, but he thought he had seen the eyes of the dragon flit open for a moment to gaze at him through its fiery, yellow eyes.

Ron could not believe it. He absolutely could _not_ believe it. He kept staring at his card as if it was some sort of trick and that the dreaded name on it would soon disappear and change into another one. But it did not.

"Who did you get, Ron?" Harry whispered to him. He was right behind him and Ron was in front of the pink basket. There were others behind both of them as well; almost all of Hogwarts had rushed to the basket after breakfast, anxious to see who their secret valentine would be.

"Harry, I think I'm going to be sick," Ron said, his hands cupped to his mouth, rushing towards the Common Room.

Out of all people, _Pansy Parkinson_.

Draco had a plan. A good one. He hoped it would work. Oh, who was he kidding, he was a Slytherin, of course it would work. He slipped the name card into his pocket and quietly got up from the Slytherin table where everyone was still eating their breakfast.

"Ron!" Harry yelled after his friend. He was running as fast as he could to keep up with him, turning sharp corners every now and then through the maze of hallways. "Ron, wait!"

He turned another sharp corner and almost ran right into his friend, who had halted. He saw a blonde-headed figure in front of Ron who seemed to be confronting him about something. Harry broke into their conversation.

"What is it you want, Malfoy?" Harry said defensively, getting in front of Ron.

"Oh, well, well, Mr. Potter to the rescue," Malfoy drawled. "Well, if you haven't so _rudely_ interrupted, you would have seen that Weasley and I were having a civilized conversation...for once."

"A civilized conversation? With you?" Harry scoffed. "Get real, Malfoy. The only time anyone can have a proper conversation with you is the day hell ices over. Now move."

Harry tried to get past Draco, but unfortunately, Draco's workouts must have paid off because Harry couldn't get past him.

"Now, now, Potter. No need to be so hostile. Your friend and I were just working out a "

"Complications?" Harry looked to Ron for an explanation.

"Nothing, Harry, you just go on without me, I'll be there in a minute," Ron said, avoiding Harry's eyes.

Harry was shocked. Ron had never told him to go on without him. Come to think of it, Ron had never tried to talk with _Malfoy_ before, either. He left the scene without another word and trudged unhappily towards the painting of the Fat Lady.

"Now that we've gotten rid of your annoying friend," Malfoy drawled on, "let's get back to our conversation."

"Alright, but make it quick. What sort of _exchange_ are you talking about, Malfoy?"

"It concerns the secret schmalentine or valentine or whatever it is," Draco said, the corner of his lips slightly turned up. "It seems as though the stupid basket has made a stupid decision by giving me the name of a stupid certain somebody."

"Okay, then, who, Malfoy? Come on, we haven't got all day for your mind games."

"Hermione Granger," Draco said, disgusted that he had said the name of one of the people at the school he hated the most. "It seemed best to ask you for the exchange since I have noticed you and Miss Granger have a certain sort of with each other."

Draco smirked as Ron blushed madly for the millionth time that week. "Alright, but remember what Hermione said? She's charmed these name cards. They'll turn to ashes if we exchange."

Draco tutted. "They don't call us Slytherin for nothing. I found a Reversing Charm, so there's no need to worry about that. Just give me your card and I can do it right now."

Ron slowly took out the name card that was in his pocket and handed it to Draco hesitantly. He snatched it from Ron's hands and looked at it. His smirk turned into a huge smile.

"Pansy Parkinson. Excellent," he said. "Looks like I'm not as unlucky as I thought I was."

"Hurry up, Malfoy," huffed Ron impatiently. He watched Draco tap his wand on the name card and mutter a few incantations. Then he slipped the name card into his pocket and took out another one from his other pocket.

"This is yours then," he said, handing Hermione's name card to Ron. "Thanks for the business, Weasley. Hopefully we never have to speak to each other again for the remainder of the year."

Ron scoffed. "You too, Ferret Boy." He turned on his heels and walked briskly towards the Common Room.

He gave a small sigh of relief. This Valentine's Day Dance was going to be great after all.

On the day of the dance, the excitement level at Hogwarts was immense as every single student awaited the special event, and everyone could feel it. The decorations committee had done a wonderful job. There were floating heart candles in the Great Hall, flying cupids were strumming their harps, there was a fountain of flowing chocolate at the entrance, and there were pink, red, and violet sparkly hearts floating around everywhere. The food committee had outdone themselves, for there were hundreds of bowls full of sweet valentine candy lining almost every hallway. They had also given buckets full of candy to the house-elves to throw out to the crows during lunch, which was a huge hit with everyone except Hermione. ("They should at least give the poor little elves some candy before ordering them around to do things!" she would cry out.)

As the time of the dance was nearing and dinner was ending, almost the entire Great Hall was free of students. They had all flocked down to their common rooms to get ready for the big party. The girls were the first to rush to their rooms, but the guys were a bit lax about the whole getting-ready thing, even though you could see some anxiety in their faces also. Eventually, all of them gobbled down their dinners and rushed up to their dormitories to join the girls in getting ready.

Ron was one of the last people to leave the Great Hall, and he smiled smugly to himself. There was no way this dance would be ruined for him. He had Hermione as his secret valentine and that was enough to make his heart skip a couple of beats. He swished down the last of his shepherd's pie with some pumpkin juice and was soon bounding up the stairs towards the Common Room, leaping over steps and whistling a tune to himself. He was elated, and he even hugged a couple of passing house-elves that were laden with buckets of candy. ("For Hermione's sake," he thought to himself.)

"Frothy butterbeers," he said joyously to the Fat Lady. The entrance swung open.

The Gryffindor Common Room was _chaotic_. That was the only word he could think of to describe the state of his fellow house peers. Shouts and screeches of "Has anyone seen my dress robes?" "Merlin, where did I put my hair curlers?!" "Hey, you nearly stepped on my owl!" "I need to borrow someone's lip gloss!" "Do I look fat in this?" filled the room. They were mostly from the girls, but the guys were also rushing about, running into each other, stealing glances into mirrors they passed.

Ron dodged all the students that were darting about everywhere trying to find Hermione but stumbled straight to Neville, who was seated in a quiet corner, with a strange device over his head. He held a round type of device in his hand and had another stack of round, shiny things by his side.

"Uh, Neville?" Ron asked, sitting down beside him. "What on earth are you doing? Don't you need to prepare the music?"

Neville took the device off his head. "I am. I borrowed these headphones and CD player from Hermione so I could preview some music for the dance. I've collected a whole bunch of CD's from all the Muggle students we have at Hogwarts." He pointed at the stack of CD's. "Wow, I never knew Muggle music could be this wonderful. I mean, I've never even heard of The Beatles and I think I may be in love with them now!"

Ron was utterly baffled. What were headphones and CD's? And why was Neville talking about insects? Why would he be falling in love with _beetles_? He gave Neville a once-over and asked if he was feeling alright. Neville insisted that he was and continued his listening-of-CD's. Ron shrugged and made his way through the crowd with difficulty to his dormitory where he knew Harry would be.

He swung the door open to the dorm in a rushed manner. "Harry, you've got to sort Neville out, mate. He's starting to talk about falling in love with--" He stopped dead in his tracks.

"Oh, er--Ron! Hi?" Ginny said, emerging from the bed sheets. Her hair was already done for the dance, with makeup all in place, but her hair seemed dissheveled and her lipstick was smeared. Harry soon emerged from the sheets also, and much to Ron's dismay his shirt was off.

Ron's jaw dropped. He looked to Harry for an explanation, then back to Ginny.

"Ron, it's not what you think!" Ginny said, scrambling out of the bed and fixing her hair.

"Yeah, mate, we were just having a light snog before the dance," Harry said, giving Ron a weak smile. "Now what was it you said about Neville?"

Ron gave an exasperated sigh as he shook his head. "Oh, nevermind. Have any of you seen Hermione, though?"

The two shook their heads.

"Okay then, I'd better go and get ready. You two better do the same. I'll see you down at the Great Hall later!"

"Okay, bye," both Ginny and Harry said.

Ron took a last look in the mirror. Thank goodness his mother had bought him new dress robes. If he had worn the ones he wore to the Yule Ball in his fourth year, goodness knows how embarrassed he would have been. He opened a drawer from underneath his desk and took out a small velvety box. It was the box that held the ring inside it. He opened it up and admired the beautiful ring, a sparkling and glimmering pink, ready to be given to the one person he had had a crush on since his first year at Hogwarts. His heart skipped a beat thinking about her. Hermione. Where was Hermione anyway? The last time he had seen her was at breakfast that morning.

He slipped the box into his pocket and made his way out of the now emptying Common Room along with everyone else. He saw Harry and Ginny amidst the crowd and walked with them, still scanning the sea of heads for Hermione, but he still couldn't spot her.

The three of them filled into the Great Hall, which seemed considerably crowded. The lights were dimmed, and there were red and pink spotlights traveling all across the dance floor. And there was music. Really loud music, Ron noticed. You could barely hear what another person was saying because the music was so loud. He searched for Neville and finally found him at the very front of the Great Hall, with a strange mechanical-looking device in front of him which, Ron guessed, was for the music. Neville waved and beckoned him over.

"Great party, isn't it?" Neville yelled into Ron's ear. Ron thought his eardrum might burst any second now.

"Yeah, it is," Ron yelled back. "But have you seen Hermione?"

"Yeah, I saw her a couple of minutes ago. Arrived early, it seems. She was looking for you."

"She was?" Ron yelled, with a baffled look on his face. "Do you know where she went?"

"She said something about going back to the Common Room to look for you," Ron said, winking to some Hufflepuff girls who seemed to fancy him.

Ron nodded and started to sprint back towards the Common Room, dodging a couple of snogging couples here and there when he heard a loud voice coming from the stage near the front.

"Attention, please, everyone!" the voice said. Ron recognized it as Harry's. The music died down a little as everyone turned their heads toward the speaker. Harry was looking quite nice in his new dress robes, his arms linked with Ginny's who looked even better. She wore an emerald satin dress with matching dress robes over it. Ron noticed how happy his little sister looked, standing there beside Harry. "Before we go on any further with our dance, it is now time to exchange our secret valentines."

There was a buzz of excitement. Harry continued, "You can exchange your gifts right now with your secret valentine. However, please keep in mind that whoever is your secret valentine may not be the person you receive _your_ gift from, so this might get a little confusing, but hopefully we can all sort it out by working together. Okay, you may exchange them now!"

Ron panicked. He whirled around this way and that, looking for Hermione. He thought he saw her, but no, that was a third-year Ravenclaw with the same type of brown, bushy hair. He pushed through the crowd, standing on his tip-toes to see if he could find her that way.

Suddenly, someone stepped in front of him. "Hello, Ronald," a dreamy-like voice said. "Happy Valentine's Day." It was Luna. Ron blinked at her as she handed him what looked like a book. He peered closely at it and saw that it was a collection of all the crossword puzzles that _The Quibbler_ had ever put out. He thanked her dazedly, and was about to run off to find Hermione when Luna pulled him into a huge hug.

"Erm, Luna, thanks but," Ron said, trying hard to breathe since Luna had a tight grip on him.

Then he saw her. And she saw him. Hermione was talking with a guy, and Ron recognized him as a seventh-year Ravenclaw quidditch player. What was his name again? It was Patrick something....Oh, what did he care what his name was! His stomach did a sort of flip as Hermione stared back at him. She looked shocked, even confused. Ron let out a yelp as soon as he realized that he and Luna were still hugging. He wiggled out of the hug and ran towards Hermione, pushing past a sea of snogging couples. He kept losing sight of her, because people kept blocking his path. He saw her running out of the Great Hall.

"Hermione!" Ron yelled after her with all his might. He was still struggling to get past all the people. "Hermione! Wait, where are you going?"

He burst out of the Great Hall, following her. She was headed towards the herbology greenhouses. He finally made it to the front of the garden, but he could see no one there. It was completely dark, except for the light of the moon of a few flower fairies tending to their roses here and there. His shoes clicked on the ground as he searched all the greenhouses.

He peered into the first one. No, not there. He looked into the second one. Nope. He scanned the third one. No, not there either. But wait, he could hear something. It sounded like...muffled crying...? Yes, that must be her! He thought. He burst into the greenhouse; it was filled with all types of exotic, vibrant colored flowers that smelled wonderful.

"Hermione?" he asked, quietly.

Then he saw her. She was sitting on a bench by some violet honeythorns, crying. Ron sat down quietly beside her, wrapping his arm around her side.

"'Mione, what's wrong, mate?" he said, looking at her. Her eyes seemed bloodshot as she wiped a tear and sniffled.

"R-R-Ron," she said, with a sob. "I thought--I thought--"

"You thought what?"

"I thought that gift...I thought that gift was for me, not Luna," she said, finally looking up into his eyes.

Ron's stomach did about three cartwheels at that moment. Hermione looked so beautiful. Of course she had always looked beautiful to him, but tonight she was especially beautiful. Her hair was not frizzy, but had spiraly waves cascading down from her head, framing her small face. Her lips looked like soft rose petals, and her eyes were sparkling like diamonds. She looked like a pretty little girl, crying because she didn't get what she expected. Ron laughed and gently touched her cheek.

"Hermione," he said, and took out the small velvet box from his pocket. "this is for you."

Hermione let out a little gasp as she took the box into her hands. She opened it and Ron could see the happiness gleaming through her eyes. He smiled at her, and slipped the ring onto her finger. She smiled back. Ron slowly drew closer to her, his eyes fixed on her lips, and Hermione slid her hands behind his neck. They shared a long kiss, a kiss that both of them had wanted for so long but never got. And at that moment, they were probably the happiest people on the planet.

Ron smiled down at Hermione as he broke off the kiss. "Happy Valentine's Day, Hermione."


End file.
